Thanks to all who are checking my site. I am writing! The problem is I've started about four new stories, but hit a wall with each one of them. As soon as I have something worthwhile and complete, I will share. Thanks for your patience!
JL-
The stories on this blog include loving discipline. Couples can be M/F and M/M. You must be at least 21 years old to read the stories here. All stories are owned and copyrighted 2016 by JL
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Friday, November 25, 2016
Happy belated Thanksgiving
Hello all who are nice enough to come to my story blog. I hope all who celebrated had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was better than expected, which is always good :)
I promise I am working on more stories/chapters to post, but emotional upheaval and simple tiredness is making the process slow-going. I've been reading a lot too, which is helpful for my creative side. Since I've been doing a lot of reading, I thought I'd put down some recommendations to fill your time as well. I'd also love any recommendations of authors and books you'd like to send my way. So, happy reading and happy upcoming holidays to everyone :)
JL-
Recommended Books.
Author: River Jaymes
Books: The Backup Boyfriend, The Boyfriend Mandate, the Boyfriend Makeover
Author: Kade Boehme
Books: Keep Swimming, Going Under
Author: Kim Dare
Books: With A Kiss, Duck!, Magpie, Axel's Pup
Author: Roan Parrish
Books: In the Middle of Somewhere, Out of Nowhere, Where We Left Off
Author: N.R. Walker
Books: The Red Dirt Series, The Weight of It All
I promise I am working on more stories/chapters to post, but emotional upheaval and simple tiredness is making the process slow-going. I've been reading a lot too, which is helpful for my creative side. Since I've been doing a lot of reading, I thought I'd put down some recommendations to fill your time as well. I'd also love any recommendations of authors and books you'd like to send my way. So, happy reading and happy upcoming holidays to everyone :)
JL-
Recommended Books.
Author: River Jaymes
Books: The Backup Boyfriend, The Boyfriend Mandate, the Boyfriend Makeover
Author: Kade Boehme
Books: Keep Swimming, Going Under
Author: Kim Dare
Books: With A Kiss, Duck!, Magpie, Axel's Pup
Author: Roan Parrish
Books: In the Middle of Somewhere, Out of Nowhere, Where We Left Off
Author: N.R. Walker
Books: The Red Dirt Series, The Weight of It All
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Spreading the joy :)
Since I'm in a bit of a writing lull of my own right now, I thought I'd encourage anyone reading my blog to check out my friend Zillah's stories. She just recently posted her newest, but I'd thoroughly suggest going to the Timeline on her website and reading the stories in chronological order as much as possible. It's best to read them that way.
Here is the link to her site: http://www.zillahsreadingcorner.com
Here is the link to her story Timeline so you can follow the stories in the best way: http://www.zillahsreadingcorner.com/timeline/
Lastly, here is a link to an "Introduction" page of her main characters. It's a great way to first get to know them before jumping into the stories :)
http://www.zillahsreadingcorner.com/category/introductions/
Here is the link to her site: http://www.zillahsreadingcorner.com
Here is the link to her story Timeline so you can follow the stories in the best way: http://www.zillahsreadingcorner.com/timeline/
Lastly, here is a link to an "Introduction" page of her main characters. It's a great way to first get to know them before jumping into the stories :)
http://www.zillahsreadingcorner.com/category/introductions/
Friday, October 21, 2016
Gathering Friends
Thank you to those who commented on favored characters and stories. I'm still working on several different things, but here is a new Mark and Connor story :)
JL-
*****
Gathering Friends
*****
Hopefully TBC….
JL-
*****
Gathering Friends
Mark pulled wearily into his driveway,
looking up at the small house he called home with his husband, Connor. It had been a draining day, physically,
mentally and emotionally. When he
entered the house, he dropped his gray messenger bag in the hall closet—a
thoughtful gift from Connor on his last birthday—kicked off his shoes, and felt
his shoulders relax a little at just the familiar comfort of being home.
The gentle noises of shuffling feet and
squeaking floorboards sounded above his head, letting him know that Connor was
home as well. He climbed the stairs to
the second floor, and in the entrance of their bedroom smiled as he saw a
bare-chested Connor pull on a pair of comfortable-looking black jeans. His husband’s back was to him, so Connor was
unaware of Mark’s presence until the older man wrapped his arms around him and
hugged him from behind.
Connor stiffened in surprise for just a
moment, then relaxed back into the familiar feel of Mark’s arms. “Hey, babe.
Just get home?”
Mark sighed tiredly and nuzzled the back
of Connor’s neck. “Yeah.”
Connor turned in his arms and gave him a
strong hug. “You sound tired.”
“Rough day,” Mark admitted.
Connor’s face expressed apologetic
amusement. “Does that mean I shouldn’t
remind you that Grant and JD are coming over tonight?”
Mark dropped his head onto Connor’s
shoulder. “Ugh, I forgot.”
“If you really want to, we can
reschedule,” Connor offered.
With a sigh, Mark stepped out of his
partner’s embrace and shook his head.
“No, I don’t want to do that to them.
If you can start supper, I’ll shower and change before coming to help.”
“It’s already started. The chicken is in the oven and you made the
sauce last night, remember? Noodles,
salad and bread are all that’s left and they won’t take long.”
Mark had pulled off his shirt, now
matching Connor as they both wore pants, but faced each other shirtless. He replaced his arms around his smaller
partner and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Thanks
Connor-love.”
“You’re welcome. Go get in the shower. They’ll be here at seven.”
*****
Grant Isaacs and JD Martin pulled up in
front of Mark and Connor’s home a few minutes before seven. They were fairly recent friends with the
other couple, only having gotten acquainted about three months previously, but
they’d already developed a level of trust with them.
Grant looked toward his partner, taking in
JD’s appearance. Well-fitting jeans, a
snug t-shirt, and a black leather jacket bedecked the man’s well-toned
body. His sandy blonde hair was thick
and messily styled. He appeared to be
the epitome of cool, but one bouncing leg and the neutral expression on his
normally animated face revealed that he had some nerves about the coming
evening.
Honestly, Grant had some nerves as
well. Their dinner with the other two
men wasn’t just friends getting together for an evening. Mark and Connor were a couple who were more
experienced in a lot of things that he and JD were trying to figure out and
form a foundation for, and after an awkward encounter a few weeks previously, Mark
had emailed them and offered dinner and an evening to speak openly but in
promised confidence if they wanted to ask some questions.
It took three days of he and JD tiptoeing
around talking about what they actually wanted to do with that invitation
before finally admitting they desired to take the chance and accepted the
offer.
Now, however, Grant thought they might
both be having second thoughts. He
reached across the console and pressed his hand on JD’s bouncing knee. “Hey, it’s going to be alright,” he tried to
reassure for both of them.
JD looked toward him and pulled what Grant
thought of as his ‘cool mask’ into place.
His mouth tipped up, not in a smirk, but more with this grin that looked
real but was very fake in Grant’s opinion.
His eyes widened in a welcoming way that those who didn’t know him
adored, but which Grant always felt was a protective wall getting put into
place. JD’s charm was his shield.
“Of course it’s going to be alright. It’s just dinner and some table talk.”
“We don’t have to talk about anything you
don’t want,” Grant insisted, something he’d been saying for days.
JD rolled his eyes. “I’m fine,
Grant. Come on. They’re waiting for us.”
Not really knowing if he should or could
push JD to admit to any nerves, Grant simply nodded and they exited the car,
heading side-by-side but without touching to the other couple’s front door.
*****
*****
Mark and Connor looked to each other when
the doorbell rang. They weren’t quite
sure what they were getting into for that evening either, and knew they would
be discussing some things that were normally entirely private to them, but they
had conferred with one another about what they were and weren’t willing to
share with the younger couple, and planned to respect any boundaries anyone put
up that evening.
Mark reached out and squeezed Connor’s
hand a moment before going to answer the door.
He invited their friends in, offering to take coats, and then hanging
them up in the closet before leading them into the kitchen.
Connor was pouring glasses of water at the
four set places around the table, but he set the pitcher in his hand down and
shook both their guests’ hands before returning to his task.
“We’re pretty much ready,” Mark told
them. “You have great timing. I’ll just get the garlic bread out of the
oven and we’ll be set. I hope you like
chicken parmesan.”
“Love it,” Grant assured, while JD said,
“Sounds great!”.
Dinner started off with a bit of stilted
conversation, but soon the four of them found their rhythm and they enjoyed
pleasant talk of jobs, tv shows, and a new restaurant they all wanted to try.
They were at a comfortable juncture when
the meal was done and all agreed that they were ready for coffee, but dessert
could wait awhile.
They relocated to the living room with
their steaming mugs, Mark and Connor claiming the loveseat while Grant and JD
took the larger sofa. There was about
fifteen seconds of uneasy silence then, before Mark felt it was his duty to
broach topic and provide their guests with an opening.
“I think we all know that a key reason for
getting together tonight was to talk about an aspect of the relationship Connor
and I share, and that it seems the two of you are considering for yours. If you’ve changed your mind about discussing
it, that’s fine, but if you haven’t then maybe now is a good time to talk.”
He reached for Connor’s hand and twined
their fingers together as they both gazed with open expressions at their
guests.
*****
*****
Grant automatically looked to JD, checking
to see if he had anything to say. His
partner appeared to be leaning comfortably into the sofa cushions without a
care, but the mild flush of his cheeks and brief shrug told Grant that JD
didn’t want to be the first to say anything.
Clasping his hands between his knees,
Grant made himself look Mark in the eye.
One side of his lips tipped up in a half smile/half grimace expression.
“You’re right,” he started nervously, and
then cleared his throat to shake off the discomfort that he felt was much too
obvious. “We do appreciate you being
willing to share with us. We don’t
really know…anyone…who seems even aware of this type of thing, much less
practices it. We’re kind of struggling
to really figure it out.”
He faded off after that, not really sure
what direction to go in.
Mark nodded at him, his expression
empathetic. “Believe me, Grant. We’ve been there. Maybe it will help to just lay our cards on
the table.” After a brief pause he
continued. “Connor and I have a good
relationship, a strong one. We love each
other. We help one another. We fight and argue and compromise, and we
also practice discipline.” He looked
toward Connor, who had a blush like JD’s on his cheeks appearing, and Grant
carefully observed the way Mark squeezed his husband’s hand in reassurance
before continuing. “I think it’s safe to
say that that discipline is one of the foundation stones of our strong
relationship, but it’s also intimate and private and can be a little
uncomfortable to talk about because most people don’t really understand it.”
Grant’s chuckle was a bit forced and
self-conscious. “Yeah,” he agreed.
“Connor and I are under the impression
that the two of you are looking to have discipline as a part of your
relationship as well.”
Grant again looked to JD, but his partner
wasn’t making eye contact with anyone, and his leg had started to bounce again.
“We are,” Grant finally replied, but even
he heard a bit of a question in his tone.
“I mean we’re trying, but it kind of seems to make things worse instead
of better sometimes, and I think I’m just screwing things up and confusing JD a
lot,” he admitted.
That quiet confession did bring JD’s eyes
up to his. The younger man looked
surprised at the words, but then he seemed to make a decision, swallowed
nervously, and opened his mouth to add to the conversation.
“No, Grant. You’re not the one confusing me. I think you’ve worked really hard to be
clear…but, I am confused.”
Grant shook his head. “I don’t understand.”
JD ran a hand through his hair. “I’m confused about…who I am,” he said roughly. “And
about what all this is supposed to look like, or be, or…something.”
That explanation didn’t help Grant at all,
but Connor seemed to grasp JD’s frustration.
“You’re confused because everything
outside of you says you shouldn’t want what you do, but inside you crave the things
a discipline relationship says it can offer like stability, safety, and a very
deep level of trust in another person.”
JD’s head jerked toward Connor in
surprise, his eyes wide before his head bobbed in a nod. “Yes, that’s it exactly.”
Connor nodded in return. “I know that feeling. I take it you, like me, lean toward the
submissive side of the relationship, and you’re struggling to accept that as a
good and right thing for you.”
JD crossed his arms and leaned back into
the sofa, looking like a conflicted movie star in both pose and
expression. “It’s not…manly.”
“Yeah,” Connor stated with a rather
awkward chuckle. “I’ve had those words
in my head too.” He looked directly, but
with compassion, at JD. “Whose voice do
you hear saying that? I’m 99% certain
that it’s not your own.”
JD shrugged, but Grant knew the answer to
that question as soon as it was asked.
“You hear your mom and dad saying that, don’t you?” he asked with quiet
sensitivity.
A sigh from his partner was the only
response, but for Grant that was still a confirmation. He turned to their two hosts, feeling like he
should explain a little.
“JD and I have a…shaky…relationship with
his parents. They aren’t cruel, but they
don’t really approve of us. It’s not
exactly for the reasons most people would guess though.” He looked to JD for permission to keep going,
and got it with a barely-there head nod.
“JD’s parents have always been involved in the film industry; not as
top-billing actors, but with minor parts, or as personal assistants, and
occasionally as secondary producers.
They have movie star images in their heads for what roles men and women
should be. Women are delicate, graceful
and beautiful, like Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn. Men are strong and unbending and powerful,
like John Wayne and Sam Elliot and Clint Eastwood.”
“And James Dean,” JD said under his
breath.
Mark and Connor looked from him and back
to me, and Grant knew they were starting to make a connection, so he nodded as
he verified their thoughts. “JD is named
for one of his parents’ favorite movie stars.”
“JD…James Dean,” Mark said with a surprised
smile. “You actually look like him now
that I think about it.”
“James Dean…Martin!” Connor followed up on
his husband’s statement, and Grant felt more than saw JD flinch when his last
name was added in.
“James Dean Martin,” Grant confirmed.
“You can see why I go by JD,” his partner
stated.
“All that to say,” Grant continued, “His
parents tend to insinuate that real men, such as they perceive JD’s namesake,
aren’t gay, so they can’t accept that he is.
There’s also the belief that I’m not good enough for him as well,
because I don’t fit their mold of a manly man either.” He turned and faced his partner. “I would assume that you feel they really
wouldn’t appreciate the idea of discipline or submission in a relationship,
especially to me, and that bothers you a lot too.”
JD ran a hand through his hair, ruffling
the locks which still fell back into a perfect and attractive mess. “It shouldn’t bother me.”
Connor shook his head. “No, JD.
It’s ok that it bothers you, but there are two things you do need to
consider.” Both JD and Grant gave Connor
their attention. “One is that there is
no reason why your parents have to know about the intimacies of your and
Grant’s relationship. My parents
certainly don’t, and neither do Mark’s.
So what they would think about it doesn’t need to be relevant. The other is that you need to decide for
yourself if a discipline relationship is what you truly want, or do you feel
better and safer following societal norms?”
Grant watched surprise, resignation, and
uncertainty flow through JD’s eyes, and he felt a little saddened and defeated
to see those emotions. But then JD’s
cheekbones became more defined as his expression morphed to one of
determination and acceptance. He didn’t
actually voice his decision, but his next words brought hope to Grant.
“How did you two figure out what you were
doing and what worked for you?” JD questioned.
Mark and Connor both smiled a bit wider,
and the four of them all relaxed a little more into their seats.
“Trial and error,” Mark then said,
responding to JD’s question. “And there
was a lot of error on my part in the beginning.
I still feel guilty about some things even though it was so long ago and
Connor has graciously forgiven me.”
Connor put an arm around Mark’s shoulder
and hugged him. “Always, and it wasn’t
as awful as you think it was.”
Mark turned his head to kiss Mark’s cheek,
but then gave his attention to Grant.
“I’m the authority in our relationship when it comes down to needing one
of us to pull rank, and it’s a lot of responsibility that I floundered with at
first. I take it you’re also the one the
two of you have decided should have the final say-so?”
Grant nodded. “That is one thing JD and I have discussed
quite a lot between us. We’re both
struggling to figure out the details of how to make it work. Do I always have the ultimate authority? Does JD have to gain permission for
everything? We agree that he’d rather
not be the primary decision-maker, and I prefer to have a little more control
in what goes on, but we’re confused if there can and should be a balance. It feels elusive.”
Mark hummed a noise of understanding. “At least you are asking the right questions
and talking about it. In that sense at
least, you’re starting off better than Connor and I did.”
“How so?” Grant asked.
A sad smile graced Mark’s mouth. “Well, Connor and I didn’t discuss roles or
desires when it came to authority and submission outside of the bedroom at
first, and we’d been together for almost two years before discipline really
started, but about a month before we did sit down and talk it out, we went
through a bad patch that almost separated us.”
Grant and JD both gaped at the two clearly
in love and established men before them.
“What happened?” Grant asked.
“It was a build up of things for both of
us,” Mark explained. “Little things that
became a huge, messy big thing. One day
we ended up in an ugly mess because of how I handled a situation. Connor hadn’t gotten home from work yet one
evening. He was over three hours late and
I’d been worried sick. I couldn’t reach
him on his cell…”
“My battery had died,” Connor interrupted.
“I couldn’t reach him at work…”
“I was in a teleconference.”
“And when I drove to his work in a panic,
he wasn’t there.”
Connor looked rueful. “He came after I finally left and I ended up
running out of gas at the side of the road because I wasn’t paying attention to
the gauge.”
“I was so scared I was almost in tears
when I left his work,” Mark stated, “and then I saw him walking along the road
in the dark as I drove home. I almost
hit him. I was so relieved and so angry
and so frustrated at feeling no control over the stress of the night that when
I pulled over I ended up hugging him, yelling at him without letting him
explain, and then bending him over my knee at the side of the road and
walloping his backside.”
Mark looked a little pale after that
confession, while Connor’s cheeks had gone a deeper red.
“I still say that I did deserve that
spanking, although I went from cursing him to crying while it was happening,”
Connor told them.
Mark shook his head. “Deserved or not, I didn’t have Connor’s
consent to do that, and that is the number
one thing that should be established between a couple in this type of
relationship.”
Connor nodded his agreement. “Mark’s right. I was really upset after that spanking, but I
eventually realized that it wasn’t because he spanked me, it was because we
didn’t talk about it—before or after it happened.”
“You didn’t talk about it afterward?”
Grant repeated in surprise.
Both hosts shook their heads. “I felt horribly guilty about what I’d done,”
Mark admitted. “I could hardly look at
Connor for days, much less talk to him.”
“And I felt that I’d screwed up so badly
that he couldn’t stand my presence,” Connor added. “We didn’t know what to do, and while we
gradually began surface level talk again, the distance between us kept getting
wider.”
There was a minute of silence before JD,
his voice almost desperate, asked, “How did you fix it?”
Grant noticed Connor’s grip on Mark’s hand
tighten before he answered. “I came home
from work and Mark was packing his clothes.”
Instead of squeezing his hand back, Mark
put both arms around his husband, pulling him as close as possible without
actually putting the other man on his lap.
“I felt so awful about what I’d done that I was certain it was
unforgivable, and with the distance between us, I thought that Connor probably
wanted me gone but didn’t know how to say it.”
“Instead, when I saw his bags, I ended up
just sitting down in the hall and starting to cry,” Connor told them.
“That wasn’t all he did,” Mark continued
the story. “He kept saying ‘I’m sorry! I’m
sorry’, over and over again. I had no
idea what he was sorry for, and I just felt worse because I just knew his
misery was all my fault.”
“To make a long story short, Mark sat down
next to me and hugged me, and started telling me how sorry he was. I didn’t understand
what he meant either, but we finally started talking everything out, and we got
to an understanding that we didn’t actually want to break up, but we didn’t
know where to go from there.”
There was a pause and Grant leaned forward
a little in his seat. “So how did
agreed-upon discipline actually start?
How did you figure out what to do?”
“We kept talking about things for another
week,” Mark explained. “Initially it was
a lot of things that were bothering us about one another—pet peeves,
misunderstandings, etc. Then we moved
into what we wanted for the future, both from our relationship and our own
personal goals and desires. At that
point it was a matter of figuring out how to support one another and maintain
our relationship.”
Connor nodded. “I was actually the one to first prod us
toward defining our relationship roles and what it would mean to fulfill
them. I wanted and needed someone who
could help me prioritize and balance my life and commitments. I tend to feel like everything in my life
should be a number one priority, but that’s an impossible way to live and Mark
admitted that my tendency to overcommit to other things sometimes left him
feeling like he wasn’t one of my
priorities.”
Nodding, Mark continued with Connor’s
point. “I was hurt because I often felt
dispensable when other things came up, but I was hurting Connor by not stepping
in when he was clearly stressed and overwhelmed. He thought I wasn’t caring about his
struggles, that I was just ignoring them, and ultimately him, by doing
nothing.” Mark paused to kiss Connor’s temple.
“Once we voiced those issues and came to an understanding of one
another’s points of view, we were able to discuss solutions.”
“And you settled on a discipline
relationship?” Grant asked.
“Not immediately,” Mark told them. “Initially we wrote out the areas or types of
support we wanted from each other, and that led to a mutual agreement that I
would assume control—even demand it—when Connor or I felt his priorities or
stressors were getting out of hand.”
“Eventually though, we realized that
wasn’t enough,” Connor put in. “I’m very
good at arguing for what I want, even when it’s not the best choice, and
sometimes I’ll admit that I manipulated Mark with my contentions. For a brief time, we started to argue more
instead of less, because I wasn’t used letting someone else manage my life and
initially I resented him trying to do that; although, I also resented it when
I’d ‘win’ our fights and wouldn’t let him take control of the things stressing
me out.” Ruefully, Connor shook his
head. “I was a mess, and still very
unhappy and confused. I just didn’t
really know how to let go on my own.
“Then one day I was at a gas station,
filling up my tank, and at the spot across from me I saw a mother and little
boy. The child was yelling from the car
that he wanted to work the gas pump and the mother told him ‘Absolutely
not’. The boy continued to yell, and
then got out of the car and tried to take the hose from his mom. When she held onto it, he fought with her
more, even though she kept telling him it was dangerous and to get back in the
car. In my head I thought that the kid
needed some firm discipline in his life to make him obey, and it was like a
switch flipped in my head. I realized
that I was arguing and fighting with Mark in much the same way, even though I
knew he had my best interests in mind. I
also remembered the spanking he’d given me at the side of the road several
weeks earlier, and even though it had embarrassed and angered me, it also had
driven home that he cared and had been worried about me; and that I really
needed to let him know when my scheduled veered away from the norm.
“So.”
Connor took a deep breath. “When
I got home, I started searching for information. I googled things like ‘adult discipline’,
‘household dynamics’, ‘authority in same sex couples’, etc. Some sites took me to
rather…interesting…links.”
“Porn,” Mark said with a laugh.
Connor chuckled, his face heating
again. “Yeah, there was quite a bit of
that, but I was also led to sites and articles that were helpful. Some topics, like the BDSM world and
dominant/submissive slavery type things were definitely not what I was looking
for, but I read some articles about discipline within a domestic household and
things like having a Head of House and established rules and consequences. I’ll admit, some of the things I read seemed
really old-fashioned and not quite what I wanted from Mark, but the majority of
what I read made sense and I started to wonder if maybe Mark and I could
implement it in our life together, just modify it to suit our needs.”
“And we found that is vitally important,” Mark interrupted. “There’s no one-size-fits-all mold. Each relationship is unique to the people who
share in it, and a discipline relationship should be modified to fit that
particular relationship…no one else’s.”
Grant took that bit of advice to heart
while Connor picked up from where Mark had interrupted him.
“Yes, you need to do what works for you,”
he agreed. “Anyway, I printed off a
couple of the more helpful articles and then waited for Mark to get home.” He chuckled a little, and both Grant and JD
thought it sounded like he was laughing a bit at himself. “I was really nervous to bring this up to
Mark. I worried he’d think I wanted
something totally weird or that he would be repulsed by this suggestion. At the same time, I worried he’d think it was
a great idea and that I’d end up getting walloped quite a bit more than I
actually wanted to.”
Before Grant could say anything, JD spoke
up with the exact question in Grant’s head.
“Did you actually want to get…walloped?”
“Well, no,” Connor laughed. “But I wanted the security that I felt just
from reading about these type of relationships.
It felt like…” Connor paused as
he considered his words. “If you don’t
mind a bit of a metaphor; it felt like for a long time Mark and I were living
in a tent. We were happy together, and
our shelter protected us from a bit of rain and wind, but we couldn’t live
there forever. A bad storm could blow
our safety away, and that left me insecure.
Introducing discipline into our lives was like starting to build a solid
house, and once that house was built we’d have the strength of wood, bricks,
and steel to protect our relationship.
Does that make sense?”
The three other men in the room all
nodded. JD spoke softly from his seat on
the couch. “It makes a lot of
sense. I feel like Grant and I have been
getting hit with a lot of ‘storms’, but we haven’t figured out how to withstand
them yet.”
Grant looked saddened by that. “I hate that JD feels like that, and that’s
what we’re trying to fix, but it hasn’t happened yet.”
Mark nodded. “It’s hard when we can’t fix things quickly,
especially when you feel like the primary one responsible, isn’t it?”
Grant agreed readily. “I feel like a failure sometimes.”
“Grant!
You’re not!” JD spoke abruptly, his hand gripping at Grant’s arm. “How can you think that when I’m the one
who’s always screwing up?”
Grant started to reply, but Mark
interjected before he could speak. “JD,
I’ll tell you what I know Grant is thinking.
You are not always screwing
up. The back and forth of blaming
yourselves or each other is an easy trap to fall into, and it doesn’t go
anywhere. You both have different but
valid perspectives on your struggles, and you both have responsibility. When you have time alone, you should talk to
each other about ways you’re feeling guilty or like you’re failing, hear one
another out, but don’t fall into the habit of casting or claiming blame, ok?”
A little startled, both men offered slow
nods as Mark’s words sank in.
“Good,” Mark said with a gentle
smile. “Now, I think you both were
basically agreeing that you want to build a sturdy ‘house’, but weren’t sure
how to lay the foundation, right?”
“Yeah, that’s a good way to put it,” Grant
agreed.
“Then we’d like to offer you…well, if
we’re sticking with the metaphor Connor gave, we’d like to give you a tentative
blueprint,” Mark offered. He reached for
a folder on the coffee table and handed it to Mark. “Inside that are some of the things Connor
and I wrote down and worked on when we started moving in this direction.”
JD leaned in closer to Grant’s side and
they both looked at the pages within the folder as Grant opened it. Each sheet had been typed and printed. The top one said “Goals” and had bullet points
down it.
“That’s a combined list of the personal
goals we each had,” Connor explained.
“The other pages are copies of the articles I had Mark read when I first
brought up discipline, and the last couple pages are…um…some of the rules and
consequences we initially started with.”
The blush had creeped back up Connor’s
neck and cheeks at that admittance, but he didn’t seem against offering the
information.
Grant slowly flipped through the pages,
with JD skimming each sheet with him.
“I don’t know what to say. I really appreciate this,” Grant
acknowledged.
JD was appreciative too, but his focus was
on something else entirely. “You had a curfew!” he exclaimed as he read over
the “Rules” from Mark and Connor’s initial foray into discipline.
“JD!” Grant scolded.
The younger man grimaced as he realized
his behavior. “Oh…sorry.”
“It’s ok,” Connor assured. “And to answer your question, I didn’t
exactly have a curfew. Mark just wanted
me to let him know if my work schedule changed, or if I was going to be out at
night later than ten pm.”
“And I also called Connor and gave him the
same curtesy if my schedule changed,” Mark added.
“But, according to this, you could tell
Connor if he had to come home,” JD stated as his eyes continued to stare at the
paper in his hand.
Mark nodded. “Yes, that’s one of the rules we agreed to
between us. Remember, JD, that Connor
had—has—equal input into the way we
do our relationship. He agreed to that
standard and to the consequence of not abiding by it. Also remember that how we did things or do
things currently doesn’t mean you and Grant have to do it the same way. What we’ve given you is just a guideline to
help the two of you establish a foundation for yourselves, ok?”
JD relaxed somewhat and smiled. “Yeah, thanks.”
“If you want to talk more or have
questions, you can, but maybe now would be a good time to have dessert and talk
on less intense subjects,” Mark offered.
Everyone nodded at that, and the rest of
the evening passed pleasantly.
*****
*****
Later, after Grant and JD had said
good-night and headed home, Connor was filling the dishwasher while Mark
brought in the empty coffee mugs from the living room. He set the cups on the counter, and then
pressed into Connor’s back and hugged him from behind. Connor stopped his chore and leaned back into
his partner.
“Now that we’re alone for the night, why
don’t you tell me what had you so stressed out when you came home today?”
Mark sighed and didn’t deny his earlier
tension. “It was a rough day at work,”
he admitted.
Connor turned in his arms, hopped up onto
the counter, and put both his arms and legs around his husband. “What happened?” he asked once he had Mark
enveloped within his hold.
Mark pecked his lips, and then put his own
arms around Connor and gave in to a full-bodied hug. “A lot of things happened, but what bugged me
so much was an incident with Don Ensen and Principal Broomer.” He sighed before continuing. “Our culture is really messed up, ya
know? Broomer approached Don because Don
had apparently hugged one of the students.
Her little brother has been diagnosed with leukemia and she was upset
and crying. He was just trying to
comfort her, Connor, and he got called to the carpet for ‘inappropriate
conduct’.” He pulled back a little, but
his face was sad. “Don would never be
inappropriate with a student, and I personally believe that there is nothing
wrong with hugs. People need hugs. I remember in college reading an article that
physical touch is a need for most people, and that most of us need an average
of twelve positive touches a day—hugs, pats on the back, etc.—to maintain good
emotional health. It also said that the
majority of people are touch-deprived.
And no wonder! We’re not allowed to touch one another
anymore. Everyone read perversion into
friendly, caring touches. I just…” he
sighed again. “I just feel bad for Don
and for that student, and for everyone who can’t see the difference between
getting a hug and getting molested. It
just makes me wonder at the culture we live in.”
In response, Connor pulled Mark into a
gripping embrace. “It is messed up, hon,
but I’ll always trust your touch.”
“Thanks, Connor-love.”
They held each other like that for several
minutes before pulling apart. In silence
they finished cleaning the kitchen, and then moved upstairs to hold one another
on their bed and watch a movie. Both
carried their thoughts with them. Mark
considered the events of the day and hoped his fellow teacher was having a
better night. Connor’s thoughts drifted
from Mark’s comments about his stressful day to their evening with Grant and
JD. He realized then that he rarely saw
the other couple touch throughout the evening.
No hugs or hand-holding. Just the
occasional tap on the arm or pat on the back.
He wondered about that, and realized that he and Mark hadn’t addressed
an important aspect of their relationship with the other men—comfort and
aftercare. It was an oversight, but not
one that could be ignored. Resolving the
next day to call JD and bring up the matter, he settled more securely into
Mark’s side, thinking how he was glad that he could touch his own husband
freely.
Hopefully TBC….
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